Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

 

Michele Lucas, LCSW, BCD
Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist
by the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy
www.iceeft.com

Emotionally Focused Therapy is a phenomenological and experiential therapy.  Phenomenological means what unfolds cannot be known before it happens.   The process begins with establishing a safe space for individuals to explore fractures they sense are developing in their intimate connection. 

“Love alone is capable of uniting living beings
in such a way as to complete and fulfill them,
for it alone takes them and joins them
by what is deepest in themselves.”
…Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

How does EFT help couples caught up in conflict?

EFT helps couples to identify where in their process of relating they are missing or misinterpreting each other’s emotional signals. Whenever we sense the emotional accessibility and responsiveness of a significant other (our safe haven) is at risk, we experience separation anxiety. Our response to this is biologically as well as psychologically driven, and we start sending out distress signals to bring our partner back into connection with us.

On an emotional level, this can take on huge proportion which is then reflected in our behavior. Typically we do one of two things in some way; either attack or withdraw. Despite our knowing that this will only make things worse, we can’t seem to stop our response, and before we know it, a negative interaction cycle with our partner is occurring more and more often. 

Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.
…Mary Oliver, Thirst

People often seek couples therapy when they realize a cycle of relating to each other through distress signals has essentially taken over their relationship. In EFT we appoint this negative interaction cycle the culprit that is wounding the relationship, the focus of change; and support the couple in their efforts to change it.

As an EFT therapist, my role is to partner with a couple and hold a safe space for them to do the work of identifying, understanding and changing the negative cycle that is hurting their relationship. Through experiential interactions, the negative cycle is identified and reframed in terms of attachment related needs and feelings. In the process, the couple deepens their emotional bonds, and their relationship becomes the safe haven it needs to be.

For more information about EFT and how it can help your relationship, please
contact Michele at 203-852-9874 or e-mail at therapydoeswork@yahoo.com.